Fred and George and the Reign of Chaos
by ttdbzgumball
Summary: Hogwarts has stood through the test of time and so much more, but it's about to face its biggest trial yet: Fred and George Weasley have arrived. Rated T for minor graphic scenes with blood and stuff. Not a lemon fanfic or anything, just what tries to be a hilarious, coming-of-age (though not really) story for whoever loves the Weasley twins' mischievous antics. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: King's Cross

**Chapter 1: King's Cross Station**

 _by ttdbzgumball_

Picture this: it is the 1st of September, 1989, King's Cross Station in London. Crowds of families bustle about here and there, before ending up between Platforms 9 and 10. They run at the barrier and to the unsuspecting Muggle's eye, they suddenly and simply disappear. What they don't see is the world _beyond_ the barrier: there is a scarlet and black steam engine waiting next to a platform packed with people, the air buzzing with noise and excitement. Amidst such people are a family of redheads, and if you listened closely enough, you might even hear their conversation:

'-and your trunks and your books, and are you _sure_ you've got the-'

'Yes, yes, Mum,' grumbled George Weasley, hoisting up his trunk. 'The books are all in the trunk, our clothes are in there as well, and our underwear too! For heaven's sake Mum, will you _please_ calm down?!'

'Bill and Charlie are there, in the Prefects Compartment,' said Arthur Weasley, pointing to a compartment close to the front, 'and Percy is sitting with his friends…'

'Like he even has them,' muttered George's twin brother Fred, and 7-year-old Ginny giggled.

'Anyways, you'd better find a compartment. We're going to find Bill—you two take care of yourselves now.'

They pushed through the crowd and found a compartment near the middle part of the train. Fred and George shared an owl, which they had not named yet, and they put her in first (they had picked a Screech Owl because they thought the name was intimidating and the owl would naturally be as well—instead, the owl was as tiny as a pint-glass), then Fred started to shove and heave his trunk toward the train door. He tried to lift it up the steps but could hardly raise one end and twice he dropped it painfully on George's foot. George was having equal trouble with his own trunk.

Suddenly a head poked out of the door. 'Want a hand?' The boy looked about their age, with dreadlocks and a bright smile.

'Nah, it's alright. We've got this…' George was interrupted by Fred's yelp of pain when his trunk dropped on his foot.

'Doesn't look like it,' laughed the boy, extending a hand.

The trunks were both remarkably heavy, but with the boy's help, the twins' trunks were quickly tucked away in a corner of the compartment, where the boy's trunk already lay.

The boy once again extended his hand. 'Lee Jordan.'

Fred shook his hand. 'I'm Fred and this is my twin brother George—'

'Weasley.' Lee grinned. 'Could tell. So, you're also first years, I take it?'

George smiled at Fred—they could tell Lee was going to be a great friend. 'Yep.'

Before they could say anything else, Mrs Weasley's voice rang through the open train door. 'Fred? George? Are you there?'

A supremely annoyed George poked his head out of the door. 'Yes, Mum, we're here. Coming!'

They hopped out of the train. Before Mrs Weasley could say anything, Fred spoke. 'Mum, don't worry about us, _really._ It's not like we can't handle ourselves. Honestly Mum, we're 11, not 7-that's Ginny, and she's not hard to miss since she's the only girl here. Us, on the other hand-we are all packed up and calm and ready to go to Hogwarts, which is more to say then for you, Mum.'

'I know, it's just-' Molly Weasley began, only to suddenly and spontaneously burst into tears. 'My goodness, you're all so _old_ now! It seems like yesterday that Bill had HIS first day of school, and now he's already in his _last year_ and even Ginny's going to start school in a few years...' She broke down into sobs.

'Now, now, Molly,' murmured Mr Weasley, giving her a handkerchief. 'Let's not make a scene...'

'Exactly Mum,' said George, rolling his eyes impatiently. 'You cry like this _every single time_...'

'Besides,' said Fred, smirking a mischievous smirk which the Weasley family knew by now meant nothing but trouble, 'George and I have decided for the benefit of the doubt to- _ahem_ -turn over a new leaf. Fresh new start-fresh new personalities, fresh new everything. Isn't that right, my dear Georgie?'

George stared at him dumbfounded for a moment before catching on and regaining his usual composure, but not before the rest of the Weasley family got suspicious. 'Why yes indeed, my dear Freddie. Yes we are,' and the two of them winked at each other.

A whistle sounded promptly, reminding them that they had to board the Hogwarts Express.

The twins clambered onto the train and leaned out so that Molly kissed their foreheads. 'Remember to write! And if you ever need anything, just send us an owl and we'll make sure it gets to you. And don't forget to wrap up warm when it gets cold…'

'We will, Mum,' the twins chorused before she could finish her lengthy list of demands.

Ginny hugged them as best as she could tightly. 'Tell me everything when you come back!'

Fred—or was it George?—reached out through the window and ruffled her hair. 'Of course we will.'

9-year-old Ron waved. Fred tossed him a sweet. 'Here you go, ickle Ronniekins, just in case you go hungry.'

The great steam engine began to move as the twins waved frantically at their mother and siblings, and shouted: 'Bye! Goodbye, everyone!' until the train steadily moved out of sight, as even then Ginny huffed and puffed and ran to try and catch up before finally giving up and waving.

The twins finally settled back down and relaxed and waited until Lee came back into the compartment holding a pack of wizarding cards. 'Anyone up for a game of Exploding Snap?'

Meanwhile, back at King's Cross, Mr Weasley patted Mrs Weasley on the back. 'Molly, don't worry about them. I know it's only their first year, but Fred and George have proven themselves more than capable of taking care of themselves and each other.'

Molly shook her head. 'Honestly, I'm not worried about them. It's Hogwarts I'm worried about.'

Arthur smiled, though he looked uncertain. 'What's the worst they could do?'

Molly turned to retrieve Ginny and Ron. Ginny was still waving in the direction of the now long-gone train, while Ron looked very uncomfortable.

Arthur looked at him. 'Ron? Are you alright?'

Ron shook his head and stuck out his tongue. It suddenly blew up to 5 times its normal size.

'RON!' screamed Mrs Weasley. ' _WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED TO YOUR TONGUE_?'

Ron tried to speak, but nothing coherent would come out of his mouth. Arthur gave him a pen and a piece of paper and he wrote down, _F &G's sweets._

Mrs Weasley was positively livid. 'Those little—'

'Mom, calm down. It'll subside in an hour.' said Ginny, barely holding in her laughter. 'Or at least that's what Fred and George said—they're not ENTIRELY sure though.'

'You know, I think you're right,' nodded Mr Weasley. 'I'm not sure Hogwarts is ready for Fred and George.'

* * *

 **Hey guys! This is ttdbzgumball here and I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1-it was really fun writing it! If you did, please review and leave a like! Also, check out, follow and favorite my friend Shadow of the Blue Moon's fanfic, Harry Potter and the Twists of Destiny-it's really good! Thanks and see you in Chapter 2!**

 **-ttdbzgumball**

 **P.S. Yes, the sweet Ron swallowed is a prototype of Ton-Tongue Toffee-a nod to Dudley in _Goblet of Fire._ By now, the twins are already starting to develop their trademark sweets, which will be expanded on more in later chapters.**

 **UPDATE: 18/7 Guysssss Chapter 2 is nearly ready! Here's a preview:**

 **('Brilliant,' said Fred, after winning his 4th game of Exploding Snap. 'so what do we do now?'**

 **Percy suddenly poked his head through the door.**

 **'Oh, so there you are,' he said haughtily. 'I was wondering where you were—not that I care, of course. Father told me to keep an eye on you.')**

 **I hope you guys have enjoyed and will enjoy the story!**

 **Thanks, ttdbzgumball**


	2. Chapter 2: Hogwarts Express

**Chapter 2: Hogwarts Express**

 _By ttdbzgumball_

'Brilliant,' said Fred, after winning his 4th game of Exploding Snap. 'so what do we do now?'

Percy suddenly poked his head through the door.

'Oh, so _there_ you are,' he said haughtily. 'I was wondering where you were—not that I care, of course. Father told me to keep an eye on you.'

'Hey, Percy,' said George, offering him the cards. 'Want to play?'

Percy sniffed at the air disdainfully. 'Why, no thank you. I have more… _important_ things to do, rather than having cards explode in my face.'

'Not much of a prankster, is he?' Lee muttered to George.

Before Percy could retort with a snide remark, a very pretty 3rd year girl walked past their compartment.

'Hey, Perce,' she said and smiled at Percy as she walked past.

Percy went very red. 'Hello, Penelope,' he stuttered in a slightly higher voice than normal, causing both Fred and George to break out into huge grins.

'Hi Penelope!' cried George while Fred waved excitedly, and she turned and smiled at them.

'Why, you…' blustered an extremely embarrassed and annoyed Percy, now turning an even darker shade of red that reminded Fred and George of one of their old confection creations that had exploded almost as soon as they had finished making it. 'Penelope is very busy, so don't annoy her, or for that matter don't annoy my friends, yes she is just a friend nothing more honestly it's high time you two grew up you are now Hogwarts students although there's a high chance the Sorting Hat will absolutely refuse to sort you two or else explode Sorting you now if you'll excuse me I'll go sit with people whose company I actually _enjoy_.'

He stormed off down the corridor, which might have been more impressive if Fred hadn't called out, 'Wait, what? There are gnomes on the train?'

Lee came back from the toilet. 'What'd I miss?'

'Oh, nothing,' said George. 'Just a minor nuisance by the name of Percy Weasley and his crush on a certain Penelope. Anyways, I'm hungry. Anyone have something to eat?'

Right on cue, the trolley lady passed by and asked them if they would like anything to eat. Fred and George happily obliged, except that they did not have enough money to buy everything they wanted to eat. Lee, however, pitched in with more than enough money, and they ate their sweets happily.

The hours passed by in a flash. Fred, George and Lee discussed various topics such as Quidditch and exchanged stories and there was much laughter. Bill visited twice: once to say hello, the second time to remind them to behave and keep the noise level to a minimum.

'—and after that one incident, Dad wouldn't touch a fencepost for _weeks_ ,' sniggered George, amidst lots of laughter from Lee. 'After our trick, he thought Muggle fences were designed to explode on intruders…'

'But to be fair, we were just testing out one of our first cloaking potion prototypes, we didn't mean for Dad to actually _touch_ it…'

'But his reaction was _priceless_ , and it was definitely worth it, although we were grounded until Christmas…'

'Yeah, speaking of which,' Fred added darkly, 'do you think Mum'll actually give our room a full clean-up like she said she would?'

'Given what your Mum seems like from your stories, I think she'll definitely follow up on her promise,' said Lee. 'I reckon you'll be lucky if you're allowed home at Christmas.'

'Yeah. In fact,' grinned George in spite of himself, 'if she checks under our bed, I don't think we'll be allowed home _at all_.'

'Hey,' said Lee, looking outside the window, 'it's getting dark. And look, people are starting to change.'

The three of them pulled out their robes from their trunks and began to get dressed. Fred stared at his hand-me-down trousers, which were obviously a few centimetres too long for him.

'Wow. Bill really _was_ tall when he was our age,' he muttered as he stuck his feet out and barely managed to walk a few steps before tripping over his robes.

'At least you don't have to worry about Charlie being fat,' groused George as he searched though his trunk for a belt.

'Speak for yourself. Look at _me_!' came Lee's strangely muffled voice from behind them. The twins turned around to look at him. Lee's robes were at least half a foot away from his body, and his sleeves dangled down to his shoes—actually, his shoes were nowhere to be seen under trousers that made it impossible for him to walk: they drooped down to the floor.

Lee shrugged, nonchalant as ever. 'Dad said I'd grow into them.'

Together, they managed to roll up their trousers and sleeves until it was manageable, although barely, as they (especially Lee) still looked completely ridiculous.

The last rays of sun had already left the sky by the time they finally arrived. Fred, George and Lee piled out of the Hogwarts Express and onto the platform with the other students, leaving their bags on the train as Bill had instructed them to.

'What d'ya reckon's gonna happen now?' whispered Lee to the twins, looking around in bewilderment just like all the other first years. The older students walked towards several black horseless carriages. Some of the first years, seeing no other option, followed them a few steps before hesitating and going back to where the other first year stood.

'How'd the carriages move?' whispered Fred.

'Magic, I reckon,' answered George.

'No, you idiots!' said Lee. 'Can't you see? There are _horses_ …black horses, they look like… _skeletons_?'

Their conversation was interrupted by huge, thundering footsteps. By now, most the older students had left and there were little to no more carriages. The lanterns revealed the origin of the footsteps: a huge man, twice the size of any average human. He had a huge, bushy beard and kind eyes that told the first years that though he may look intimidating, he could be trusted-maybe.

'Hey, at least we don't have _his_ hand-me-downs,' whispered an awestruck Fred to an equally wide-eyed George.

'Firs' years over here! Follow me!' he bellowed for the world to hear. 'I'm Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds here at Hogwarts. Follow me down ter the lake. Mind yer step!'

The first years gave a sigh of relief—turned out the half-giant wouldn't eat them after all. They obligingly followed Hagrid down a steep, narrow, pitch-black path and it was so dark they could barely see in front of them—they relied on Hagrid's lantern and his booming voice. The narrow path suddenly opened up onto the edge of a huge lake. The twins could have sworn they saw a ripple, something move deep in the lake's watery depths. Across the lake on the other side, a gigantic castle stood on a cliff.

'Wicked,' whispered Fred and George in unison.

'No more'n four to a boat!' boomed Hagrid, pointing with his giant hand to a series of small boats docked by the edge of the lake. The group of first years eagerly clambered onto the boats. Fred, George and Lee got onto a boat with a girl. They searched for the oars and were about to inform Hagrid that they didn't have any, when the boats all simultaneously and abruptly jerked forward, gliding smoothly on the water.

The girl spoke. 'Hi, I'm Angelina Johnson.'

'Cool—I'm Fred Weasley and this is my significantly less attractive brother George,' grinned Fred. 'And that's Lee.'

'Nice to meet you-' said George, only to be cut off by the boat suddenly violently rocking.

'What the bloody heck was that?' exclaimed Lee.

'That would be— _that_ ,' pointed Angelina, to a giant tentacle sticking out of the water. It was waving at them.

'Wicked—that must the giant squid Bill mentioned,' gaped George. 'I wonder…'

The other students gaped at the squid. 'Is that thing _dangerous_?!' panicked a boy on one of the other boats.

'Nope—the squid's perfectly harmless,' said Hagrid. 'Aren't yeh, Bubbles?' He smiled at the giant squid and the squid raised a tentacle to him, nearly toppling over the boat he was in and spraying water all over the other boats in the process.

'I have some questions for that Hagrid bloke,' muttered Lee, soaking wet from the giant squid as they scrambled out of the boat after it docked in some kind of underground tunnel that seemed to be right underneath the castle. 'First, who names a giant squid _Bubbles_?! Only a person like Hagrid, that's who. Second, _who puts a giant squid in the lake?!_ '

'I heard the headmaster, Dumbledore, is a bit off the rocker, so that would explain a lot,' came a voice from the back of the crowd of first years.

'Oh, it's Cedric!' exclaimed George. The Diggorys were next-door neighbours to the Weasleys-Cedric Diggory was older than them, but was also starting at Hogwarts this year.

'Heya Cedric, how ya doing?' said George good-naturedly to the dark-haired boy.

'Very well, thank you,' replied Cedric politely. 'Oh look—we're approaching the castle,' he said, pointing to the looming oak front door.

Fred turned to George. 'Ready for the adventure of a lifetime?'

'You bet,' George grinned back.

They approached the door. Hagrid raised a fist and knocked on it three times.

* * *

 **Hey guys! Ttdbzgumball here! So sorry it took sooooo long to update Chapter 2, but well here it is! Hope you enjoyed it! Also, please follow, favourite and review if you liked the story-it would make my day! Shoutout to my friend Shadow of the Blue Moon for sending me loads of really useful Fred and George posts and tidbits. Those helped _a lot._ Thank you so much! Be sure to check out her amazing Harry Potter fanfictions as well! As you can see, I copied the last sentence a bit off _Philosopher's Stone_ , as a nice callback to the series. Stay put for chapter 3! Love you all!**

 **EDIT 21/8: WOOOO I'm back from 2 weeks vacation and I have Internet again! Sorry I haven't been updating in a while; like I said, I was off on trip without Internet, and I didn't have time anyways. But now I'm back and I can keep writing!**

 **When I was away, I GOT MY VERY FIRST REVIEW _GASP_ from elephantlover123! The review was very honest, which I really appreciated. I would like to address one of the key points in the review, concerning the fanfiction Surviving the Weasley Twins by phantomduck. it is a truly awesome piece of fanfiction (one of my favourites) also based on this story's basic premise: the Hogwarts years of Fred and George. I must admit that I have slightly based off and even copied at some parts the story, and I am really and truly story to anyone I have offended by this, and I promise I will try to make my ideas more original (although you may see some very similar plot lines in the near future). Thank you elephantlover123! (btw elephants are one of my favourite animals and that actually gave me an idea for the story so double thanks!)**

 **I already shouted out to my friend Shadow of the Blue Moon (go check her out) and now I shoutout to my friends InfiniteWings who very recently created a Fanfiction account and has a Quora account (she loves Evangelion the anime) and Zita the Fandom Penguin who only has a Quora account (as you can imagine, she is in almost every single fandom possible, which is why she's awesome). So now I bid you all adieu for now, and stay tuned for Chapter 3! Byeeeeeeeee!**

 **EDIT 28/9 I am SOOOO sorry it's taking so long to update! School has started and I'm burdened with tests and homework. However, expect the next chapter by the end of the month, which is in 2 days, so stay tuned! By the way, I may change the first two chapters a bit drastically, so to avoid comparison to Surviving the Weasley Twins (READ IT). Also, a Hamilton/Hogwarts fanfic is coming along the way (expect Chapter 1 by the end of the year) and there MAY be a slight crossover with Les Mis! BE PREPAREDDDD See ya in a few days!**

 **-Ttdbzgumball**


	3. Chapter 3: The Sorting

**Chapter 3:**

 _By ttdbzgumball_

The enormous door was answered by a tall and rather stern-looking woman. Fred and George took one look at her and decided that this was a person they did _not_ want to get caught by. 'The firs' years, Professor,' said Hagrid, and gave them a cheery wave before leaving the first years with the teacher.

'Boy, if every teacher looks like her and act the way they look, we're not going to survive here for long, are we?' Fred muttered to George.

The professor turned her sharp gaze towards the twins and they immediately shut up.

'Now that I have your full attention,' said the professor, 'I would like to welcome you all to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am the Deputy Headmistress, Professor McGonagall, and I will be teaching Transfiguration. In a minute, these doors will open,' she said, gesturing to the double doors behind her, 'and you will be sorted into your Houses. Your House will be like your family in Hogwarts for the next 7 years and beyond. There are 4 Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Those of you who are fortunate enough to end up in Gryffindor will have me as your Head of House, though I hope you will all be a credit to whichever house you will end up in…' She told the first years about the house point system, which Percy, Charlie and Bill had told Fred and George about many times, as well as all of the other things McGonagall had listed. McGonagall then told them to wait as they prepared for the sorting, and left the first years alone.

'What d'you reckon the Sorting Ceremony's going to be like?' whispered someone, which caused great debate among the first years.

'Maybe it's a talent show of sorts!' said Angelina, the nice girl they had sat with on the boat.

'Wh-what if we have to fight something? Like a dragon?' stuttered a terrified first year.

'Nonsense,' said Cedric calmly behind them. 'they won't put us in any danger. This is the safest place in probably the whole of England, if not the world. Trust me, we'll be fine.'

Someone screamed.

The first years' heads whipped around to see twenty or so ghosts float through the walls. They were chatting merrily amongst each other, and smiled at the first years. Well, most of them, at least. One of the ghosts in particular scowled at the group, causing one boy to burst into tears. Another cackled as he soared above the students' heads, all the while tossing cream pies at them. The first years yelped and ducked as the pies landed either on the previously spotless floor or on their heads.

'Cream pies?! Seriously?' yelled Fred up to the poltergeist. 'That's so old! Time to rethink your strategy!'

Fred and George were used to ghosts: there was one living in the attic, right on top of Ron's room. It occasionally made loud noises, but that was about it. Clearly, the resident poltergeist of Hogwarts was going to be more of a nuisance.

However, not many other students were as experienced with ghosts as the Weasley twins. Some screamed for home or for their mother, some huddled up in corners crying, some tried to perform 'exorcisms' which only earned them more scowls from the ghosts, some were even trying to force the double doors open, and the rest, like Fred and George, simply stared at the bunch of foolhardy scaredy-cat First Years with extreme annoyance.

Professor McGonagall entered the room to find the First Years either screaming, crying, attempting to escape, attempting to uselessly 'fight' the ghosts or standing at the side extremely irritated. 'OUT, PEEVES!' she barked, and the wayward ghost finally flew out, but not before blowing a raspberry at the Professor, earning a scowl. The other ghosts followed, muttering something about 'scaredy-cats' and 'not brave, smart, cunning or strong enough, what will become of the next generation of Hogwarts?'

'Honestly, crying and screaming is useless. The ghosts can't really harm you anyway, otherwise we would have exorcised them,' muttered an exasperated Professor, flicking her wand and magically cleaning and tidying up the students. She swished her wand again and the cream pies on the floor disappeared, leaving it pristine once again. She also changed Fred, George and Lee's clothes to a fitting size, which made all three breathe a sigh of relief. 'Now, if you're all _calmed down and ready to go,_ the entire populace of Hogwarts is ready for you in the Hall.' Once she had checked everything was alright, she opened the doors to the Great Hall.

Although they had heard Charlie and Bill (they never bothered to listen to Percy) describe the Great Hall many times, they were still awestruck by the enormous hall. Thousands of candles floated in midair above four long tables, which they presumed was for each of the Houses. At the very back of the hall was another long table where the professors were sitting. Angelina looked up and gasped, and the others looked up as well. The ceiling was a stunning night sky dotted with twinkling stars. For a moment, Fred and George thought there _was_ no ceiling, before they remembered Charlie telling them it was bewitched.

They walked past the tables, flashing a grin at Charlie, who grinned back, and waving enthusiastically at Penelope, the girl they had encountered on the train, who smiled at them (much to Percy's great irritation).

The first years reached the back of the hall, in front of the professors. Fred glanced at one of them, a sallow-faced, greasy-haired man, who sneered back. Fred and George immediately knew they didn't like him.

There was a stool in front of the line of first-years, and on it was an old and battered-looking hat.

'Wait, so _that's_ what we're supposed to do?' whispered a first year. 'Put that hat on? And get sorted, just like that?'

'Not very impressive, is it?' muttered George.

Suddenly, the hat sprung to life, much to the excitement and surprise of the first years, and began to, somehow, sing:

Welcome, one and all,

The students old and new,

To this school, built by the greatest minds

The world ever knew.

By Slytherin, most cunning,

By Ravenclaw, the wise.

By Gryffindor, bravest of all

By Hufflepuff, judged not by size.

Together, the four wizards

Built a wonderful school.

In fact, it's this school you are in now

And be Sorted on this stool.

In here you won't learn trivial things

Like Science, maths or spelling.

Here you'll learn potion, charms, transfiguration

What you'll excel in, there's not telling!

So if you're ready, take a step

Remember I am never wrong

And I will help you get Sorted.

Wherever it is that you belong!

The song was finished, and was met by a huge round of applause. The twins watched as Professor McGonagall walked up to the stool, patiently waited for the applause to die down, and unroll a surprisingly short piece of parchment, which Fred and George presumed were the list of names.

'Hey, why's the list of names so short?' whispered Fred, now looking around at the first years to see that it was indeed a smaller group than he had anticipated. 'You'd expect there to be more people in our age group, right?'

'Yeah, but think about it,' whispered Lee in reply. 'Around the time we were born, You-Know-Who (that induced a collective shudder between the trio) was still at large, and people would be too busy running for their lives to—you know…'

'Oh…' said Fred, before finally realizing. 'Oh! Yes, of course!' Lee nodded in relief before Fred said, 'Obviously, the Death Eaters killed all the babies they could find because they wanted to use them for cannibalistic potions to heal themselves after failed experiments to give themselves superpowers!'

Lee stared at him in incredulity before facepalming. 'Seriously? _That's_ the best you could come up with? I can't tell if you're joking or just plain bonkers.'

'And that is why I'm the intelligent brother,' said George.

'What else could it be?' Fred shrugged as Professor McGonagall called out the first person to be Sorted, 'Arrow, Sebastian!' A pale, obviously terrified boy walked up to the stool. The professor lifted up the hat and the trembling Sebastian sat on the stool. The group of first years (and the entire Hall) watched in trepidation and excitement as McGonagall lowered the hat onto the small boy's head. The Sorting Hat sat on the boy's head for a few seconds before speaking in a loud, booming voice: "HUFFLEPUFF!" The students sitting at one of the long tables whooped and cheered as the boy excitedly put the hat back onto the stool and ran to the cheering table, joining his new Housemates.

'Oh, that house is for the softies,' muttered Fred. 'Gryffindor is where all our brothers so far have gotten in, except Percy, who's in Ravenclaw…'

The Sorting went on like that. Some people took longer to sort than others who literally didn't need the Hat on their heads for it to shout their houses. Cedric Diggory almost immediately went to Hufflepuff, and Angelina Johnson took a surprisingly long time with the Hat and finally went into Gryffindor, where Fred and Georges' brothers were. Then Lee went and put on the Sorting Hat. The Hat stayed on his head for half a minute before shouting, 'GRYFFINDOR!' Lee grinned from ear to ear and gave the twins a thumbs-up before running to the cheering Gryffindor table.

The Sorting went on and on and on until finally, near the very end, Professor McGonagall called out: 'Weasley, Fred!' Fred strode up to the stool and sat on it, and Mcgonagall placed the Sorting Hat on his head.

 _Hmmm,_ murmured the Sorting Hat in his head. _You are a strange one, Mr Weasley, very strange indeed…_

 _Thanks, Mr Hat_ , thought-replied Fred. _I'll take that as a compliment. By the way, should I call you Mr Hat, or did I wrongly assume your gender and are you a Ms? Or are you married and should I call you Mrs? Of course, I respect if you have no assumed gender and prefer to go by they/them pronouns, but-_

 _Alright, stop,_ snapped the Hat. _First of all, my gender should not be of your concern, since I am an inanimate object and I HAVE no gender!_

 _So that's they/them, then? Or is it just it?_

 _Listen,_ said the exasperated Hat, _I am here to SORT you, not answer your meaningless questions! With a mind like yours, you really SHOULD go to Ravenclaw, maybe even Slytherin…_

 _Wait, WHAT?!_ screamed Fred, fortunately not out loud. _I mean, with all due respect, Hat, I feel I would not belong in Slytherin as they are slimy pureblood gits, or Ravenclaw, everyone there would be exactly like Percy._

 _You Weasleys are getting increasingly hard to sort,_ sighed the Hat. _Your three older brothers had the mind of a Ravenclaw, but they all had the heart of a Gryffindor, except, of course, Percy Weasley, whose brain exceeds all others'. You certainly have the aptitude for both Slytherin and Ravenclaw—you have a bright mind, and a cunning heart. Yet, although I see the potential for greatness, I also see you do not have the willingness to go to either. Half the Sorting process is your own decision, you know._

 _Wait, wait! Don't sort me just yet,_ pleaded Fred. _I still have so many questions to ask you! Do you have any free will besides Sorting us students? Is there a whole family of Hats or are you the original? If so you would be incredibly old, wouldn't you?_

 _A Hat doesn't have free will, you know,_ grumbled the Hat. _As much as I wish I did, my only purpose is to Sort you children every year. As far as I know, at least, I am the only existing Hat, although I would very much like to have a family, even one as big as yours. And yes, I am quite ancient. You do have an exceptionally inquisitive mind, which is quite rare nowadays. You would be an excellent inventor._

 _Why thank you!_ thought a pleased Fred. _When George and I are older, we're planning to open a joke shop. School is way too boring. Hey, maybe we can make fake Hats!_

 _That would be nice,_ sighed the Hat. _I would like to have a family, as impossible as it may sound, given I am a talking Hat. And you are quite right—the standard of education at Hogwarts nowadays is quite lowered in comparison to centuries ago. Wizarding society has been terribly corrupted. I can see dark days coming, and in those times, you and your twin will be a light in the bleakness._

 _Blah blah blah. Yaddayaddayadda,_ muttered Fred. _'Kay. Thanks for the conversation, Hat, but I think we've held up the rest of the crowd for too long._ He looked around, and could see people beginning to fidget in their seats and muttering amongst themselves. _I hope my slightly less intelligent twin won't be as hard to sort as I am, though we ARE identical, so there's no telling…_

 _Right, I've had enough of you,_ snapped the Hat, though in a far less serious way. _Now I know clearly where your heart yearns to go, I guess I'd better put you in..._

'GRYFFINDOR!' This time the Hat spoke out loud, its voice ringing in the silent Hall. The Gryffindor table whooped and cheered, and Fred thought a silent goodbye to the Hat and removed it from his head. He didn't have time to stop and speak to George as George's name was already being called by Professor McGonagall, so he went directly to the Gryffindor table, where his brothers and Lee were waiting.

'Nice, one, Fred!' grinned Charlie, as he high-fived his brother and Percy clapped him on the back as he went and sat next to Lee and Angelina.

' _What took you so long?'_ whispered Lee to Fred.

' _Well, I had a long conversation with the Hat about NOT putting me in Slytherin or Ravenclaw,'_ whispered Fred back. ' _Also, the Hat is gender-neutral and I don't think it really appreciates y'all assuming it's a "he".'_

Meanwhile, George put the Hat on his head. _Just like your brother,_ said the Hat. _Same ambitions, and same mind. You two really are identical. Although your brother chose the easier route, you also have a choice. Both Ravenclaw and Slytherin would be good choices—_

 _Say no more! Let's go to Gryffindor, then!_

The Hat sighed. _Why is almost everyone like this nowadays…alright then._ 'GRYFFINDOR!'

George bid farewell to the Hat and went to sit down with his brother and Lee, amidst the continued cheering of the Gryffindor table.

After the last person, Sabrina Zorrton, was placed into Ravenclaw, the white bearded teacher who the twins knew was Headmaster Dumbledore from their collection of Chocolate Frog cards stood up and cleared his throat.

'Welcome, students, old and new, to a new year at Hogwarts!' he boomed, eyes twinkling merrily. 'I know you are all eager to begin the feast, but before so, let me say a few words: Fizzle! Pop! Squid! Rollover! Now, on to the feast!' He clapped his hands, and the previously empty plates filled up with sumptuous meals—although Fred and George loved their mother's cooking above all, this looked a really close second. They dug in without hesitation and found the food tasted just as good as it looked, if not better.

'This is just absolutely AMAZING,' muttered George as he devoured some porkchops. 'This is probably the only thing that could contest Mum's cooking.'

'You can't say that, it won't be fair to Mum,' retaliated George.

They finished eating, and Dumbledore stood.

'After this wonderful meal that I hope everyone enjoyed,' announced Dumbledore. 'It is almost time for bed. But before that, there are some final announcements to be made. Firstly, we must welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Festus Bilbury!'

As he said those words, the doors to the Great Hall opened suddenly with a deafening boom, and in walked a joyous-looking man wearing an extremely large overcoat. His gray hair was neatly cropped and there was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes, which the twins immediately recognized—it was the same look that the twins had when they were inventing some wonderfully explosive thingamajig.

The man walked straight up to the teacher's table, attracting looks from every student, and joyfully embraced Dumbledore. 'Old friend,' he boomed in a voice like thunder, 'how good it is to see you!' He laughed, then turned and surveyed the sea of students before him. 'So, this is what the students of Hogwarts look like now, eh?' he said, his voice filled with excitement and vigour. 'Well, no worries. Classses are going to be a lot…of…fun.' He winked at the rest of the hall and took his seat next to the sneering professor, whose sneer had turned a shade more menacing.

'Welcome, Professor Bilbury,' Dumbledore smiled. 'Now for some general rules: Firstly, all years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils.'

'Oh, we're _definitely_ going to have to check that out,' grinned Fred.

"Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.'

George began to speak excitedly, but Charlie nudged him. 'You're not allowed to join until second year, you know.'

Oh, come on!' cried both twins, throwing up their hands in exasperation.

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. "Everyone pick their favourite tune, and off we go!"

And the school bellowed:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air, Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing, Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest, And learn until our brains all rot!'

Lee blinked. 'I have no idea what just happened, but oh-kay.'

'And now, let us rest our tired minds and retire to our beds!' announced Dumbledore. 'Tomorrow will be a big day for everyone, so off you trot!'

'Alright, everyone, follow me!' waved Charlie, his prefect badge glittering under the candlelight, and the first years followed him through the chattering crowds and out of the Great Hall. He led them up and down winding staircases that seemed to go on forever. Everyone was tired and yawning, but not the twins and Lee. They were so excited and jittery that Charlie grew suspicious. As they rounded the bend to the Gryffindor common room, he took Fred and George aside.

'No fooling around tonight, you two,' he warned. 'Save it for later. On the first night, just go to sleep. Got it? No. Trouble. Tonight. And don't bring your friend into this as well.'

'Oh come on, we're not children, we don't need reminding,' grumbled Fred. 'Fine. We'll _try_ to resist our natural urges. And his name's Lee.'

Charlie gave a satisfied nod, though he still watched them with an extra amount of caution. They approached a painting of a clearly-obese woman.

'Password?' she asked. Some of the Muggleborns looked like they might faint, either of exhaustion or because they witnessed a painting move and speak.

'Oculus tigris,' said Charlie, and to everyone's amazement, the painting swung back to reveal a cozy common room with a crackling fireplace and comfy armchairs.

Charlie directed the girls to the dormitory as Angelina and Alicia bid goodnight to the twins, and the boys headed up a flight of stairs to their own dorm. As soon as they entered their dorm, Lee flopped down onto a bed. 'This is mine,' he said, and no one objected.

Fred and George each picked a bed and found their luggage was stocked neatly in a corner. They immediately began to grin. 'Okay, so what's the plan?' began Fred, eagerly rubbing his hands together. 'Kitchen raid or the forest that Dumbledore told us not to go into?'

Lee groaned. 'I'm tired tonight,' he said. 'I think I'm going to sleep. You guys go on ahead. Besides, like your brother said, let's let the first night be a quiet one. There's always tomorrow night, and the night after that to do a heist.'

'Oh come on, Lee,' Fred begged. 'It's the first night, you can't miss out on this.'

But they could see there was no persuading Lee, as he was already snoring.

'Never mind,' sagged George. 'Guess it's just the two of us then, as always.'

'Right. So, let's start slow and just explore this place. After all, we never know what might be waiting for us around the bend—or should I say, around the corridor.'

'Alright then,' grinned George wickedly as he began to unpack. 'Let's get started.'

* * *

 **Ohhh-kaay, let me begin by saying SORRYSORRYSORRRY FOR NOT UPLOADING IN SO LONG! I was busy and everything and it took me a while to finish this and I'M SORRYYYYY**

 **this chapter is relatively uneventful. i was going to put some exciting stuff in here but i decided to move it to later, don't worry it'll show up sooner or later. anyways, i hope you enjoy this chapter and stay tuned for chapter 4! there is absolutely no gurantee to how long this'll take, but i'll definitely upload it faster than this one, so don't worry. Oh well. Once again, I'm sorry for the huge delay and I hope you enjoy, and see you soon!**

 **-ttdbzgumball**


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